Английский разговорный шутя. 100 самых смешных анекдотов на лучшие разговорные темы - Виктор Миловидов
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to reduce сокращать
to spread распределять, рассредоточивать
orchestra оркестр
to avoid избегать
peak пик, вершина
inactivity бездействие, отсутствие активности
violin скрипка
identical идентичный, подобный
note нота
duplication удвоение, дублирование
staff адм. штат, персонал
drastically решительно, круто
volume объем
to obtain получать, приобретать, достигать
amplifier усилитель
effort усилие
to involve вовлекать, вводить
semiquaver муз. шестнадцатая (нота)
demi-semiquavers муз. тридцать вторая (нота)
excessive избыточный
refinement украшение
to round up свести, округлить
trainee ученик
craftsman мастер
purpose цель
horn рожок
passage муз. пассаж
to handle обращаться (зд. играть, исполнять)
strings струнные
redundant избыточный
to eliminate изымать, уничтожать
concert концерт
to conclude заключать, подводить итоги
matters обстоятельства
Quality Assurance Manager менеджер по контролю за качеством
instead of вместо
in light of the above в свете вышеизложенного
Section 64
Husband's checkup
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After the checkup, the doctor took the wife aside and told her, "If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die:
1) Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood.
2) At lunch, make him a warm nutritious meal and put him in a good frame of mind before he goes back to work.
3) For dinner, fix an especially nice meal, and don't burden him with household chores.
4) Have sex with him several times a week and satisfy his every whim."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor had said to her. She replied, «You're going to die.»
Words and Expressions:
checkup проверка, осмотр
to accompany сопровождать
aside в сторону
mood настроение
nutritious питательный
especially особенно
to burden обременять, нагружать
household домашний, хозяйственный
chore домашняя работа
whim прихоть, каприз
good frame of mind хорошее расположение духа
Section 65
2 Drops every 4 hours
My family physician told me of an incident that actually happened to him back in the early days of his practice.
He said a woman brought her baby to see him, and he determined right away that the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, «Put two drops in right ear every four hours,» and he abbreviated «right» as an R with a circle around it.
Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil.
The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label:
«Put two drops in R ear every four hours.»
Words and Expressions:
actually действительно
practice практика
earache боль в ухе
prescription предписание, рецепт
ear drops ушные капли
to abbreviate сокращать, давать аббревиатуру
circle кружок
greasy замасленный
oil масло
pharmacist фармацевт
to type напечатать
label ярлык, этикетка
rear сленг зад
back in the early days давно в прошлом
Section 66
Bob's doctor
«Would you mind telling me, Doctor,» Bob asked, «how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?»
«Nothing is easier,» he replied. «You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track.»
«What sort of question?»
"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' "
Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, «You wouldn't happen to have another example, would you? I must confess, I don't know much about history.»
Words and Expressions:
to detect определять
mental умственный
deficiency недостаточность, неполноценность
nervous нервный
to put sb on the track наводить кого-л. на след
What sort of…? Какого типа…?
Section 67
Doc, i'm constipated
A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, «Doc, I'm constipated.»
The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, «Lean over the table.»
The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a baseball bat, CRACK… and then sends him into the bathroom.
He comes out a few minutes later and says, «Doc, I feel great. What should I do to prevent constipation in the future?»
The doctor says, «Stop wiping with cement bags!»
Words and Expressions:
construction строительный
constipation запор
to be constipated страдать запором
to whack разг. сильно ударять
baseball бейсбольный
bat бита
to prevent предотвращать
cement цемент
bag мешок
Section 68
The heavenly baseball game
The devil challenged St. Peter to a baseball game. «How can you win, Satan?» asked St. Peter. "«All the famous ballplayers are up here.»
«How can I lose?» answered Satan. «All the umpires are down there.»
Words and Expressions:
heavenly небесный
to win выигрывать, побеждать
famous знаменитый
to lose проигрывать
umpire арбитр
to challenge sb to sth бросать кому-л. вызов в чем-л.
Section 69
Irish golfer and the magician
One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway.
He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with a huge knot on his head and the golf ball lying right beside him. «Goodness,» says the golfer, and then proceeds to revive the poor little guy.
Upon awakening, the little guy says, «Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a magician. I will grant you three wishes.»
The man says, «I can't take anything from you, I'm just glad I didn't hurt you too badly,» and walks away.
Watching the golfer depart, the magician says, «Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things that I would want. I'll give him unlimited money, a great golf game, and a great sex life.»
Well, a year goes past (as they often do in jokes like this) and the same golfer is out golfing on the same course at the 16th hole. He gets up and hits one into the same woods and goes off losing for his ball. When he finds the ball he sees the same little guy and asks how he is doing.
The magician says, «I'm fine, and might I ask how your golf game is?»
The golfer says, «It's great! I always win.»
«I did that for you,» responds the magician. «And might I ask how your money is holding out?»
«Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a hundred dollar bill,» he replied.
The magician smiles and says, «I did that for you. And might I ask how your sex life is?»
Now the golfer looks at him a little shyly and says, «Well, maybe once or twice a week.»
Floored the magician stammers, «Once or twice a week?»
The golfer looks at him sheepishly and says, «Well, that's not too bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish.»
Words and Expressions:
to crank бить по мячу неуверенно, неточно
fairway гольф маршрут
knot зд. чалма
to revive оживлять
to depart отбывать, уходить
unlimited неограниченный
to mention упоминать
floored сленг удивленный
to stammer заикаться
priest священник
parish приход
Goodness! Боже!
upon awakening по пробуждении
you caught me fair and square разг. ты достал меня прямо и открыто
to grant sb's wishes выполнить чьи-л. желания
Section 70
Satan and a brave parisher
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Jonestown wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives, their families, etc.
Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sits calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit. Satan walks up to the man and says, «Hey, don't you know who I am?»
The man says, «Yep, sure do.»
Satan says, «Well, aren't you afraid of me?»
The man says, «Nope. Sure ain't.»
Satan, perturbed, says, «And why aren't you afraid of me?» The man says, «Well, I've been married to your sister for 25 years.»
Words and Expressions:
brave храбрый
parisher = parishioner прихожанин
bright яркий, ясный
service зд. служба
pew церковная скамья
alt arалтарь
to trample тяжело ступать, топать
evil зло
incarnate воплощение, олицетворение
to evacuate эвакуировать(ся)
ultimate конечный, главный
enemy враг
to confuse смущать
yep разг.yes
ain't разг. am not
to perturb приводить в смятение
except for за исключением
oblivious to sth не замечающий чего-л., находящийся в неведении относительно чего-л.
Part 3
Rendering
Маленькая школа анекдотаНиже приводится серия русскоязычных анекдотов, которые я предлагаю вам изложить по-английски. Именно изложить, а не перевести: одной из наиболее распространенных ошибок, которую допускают подчас и профессиональные переводчики, является стремление полностью воспроизвести «букву» оригинала средствами родного языка; крайнее проявление этого стремления – дословный перевод. И получается вместо «голоден как волк» – «голоден как охотник» (hungry as a hunter), а вместо «сыграл в ящик» – «лягнул ведро» (kicked the bucket).
Переводу подлежат смыслы, а не слова. А для сходных смыслов в разных языках есть свои устоявшиеся словосочетания. Их-то и нужно использовать. Конечно, многие вещи в русском и английском языках эквивалентны в отношении передачи сходных смыслов, но придерживаться все-таки нужно норм того языка, на который вы переводите текст. Или, что правильнее, излагаете.
