Tantric Sex for Men - Diana Richardson

frequently lies a sexual insecurity that gnaws away at the depths of his being. Such tension will

exacerbate any other presexual tension, causing the man to perhaps feel out of control, especially

concerning ejaculation.

Correspondence between the Penis and the Vagina

To shift to a higher realm of sexual experience a man has to reevaluate his penis and the way he uses

it inside the vagina. He must use his penis with intelligence, maturity, and vision.

Nature intended the penis to operate as a highly sensitive, perceptive magnetic instrument.

Although the penis and vagina are physical organs, they are designed to communicate on a refined

energy level. The entire penis is a channel, a conduit through which life force moves from man into

woman. Woman receives this force and draws it into herself. The response or communication

between the genitals can first be felt as a vibrant sensation of aliveness on a fine cellular level. When

we are caught up in sexual doing, there is no opportunity to relax and simply be in the body and

experience this subtle vitality. When mechanical movements cease, we can begin to tune in to a finer

level of sensitivity and delicate sensation.

The vagina and penis as equal and opposite forces are designed by nature for a “happening.” When

one fits into the other, man can begin to experience emanations from his penis, like electromagnetic

streamings, that become increasingly ecstatic as they spread throughout the body. By developing an

inner listening to—and with—his penis and genital region, his overall approach to making love will

become more sensitive and conscious.

DEVELOPING SENSITIVITY THROUGH BEING CONSCIOUS

When a man begins to make love with awareness and experiment with stillness, he may be surprised

to notice a relative absence of sensitivity in his penis. Without the familiar stimulation and intensity,

it’s not so easy for him to find a real inner connection to his genital area. Such lack of sensitivity is to

be expected after many years of tense, goal-oriented sex. The good news is that sensitivity will

quickly return to the penis through a relaxed style of lovemaking.

On the eighth and final day of our workshops we usually ask the men, “Does your penis now feel

more sensitive?” Virtually all raise their hands to confirm a dramatic increase in sensitivity. By

reducing the friction movements—the doing—they are able to redirect their attention to an inner

awareness of the penis and its vitality. Even men who have used the penis in another way for forty or

fifty years notice a change in sensitivity and aliveness within just a few days. The body’s regenerative

power under conducive conditions is extraordinary. There exists an intrinsic drive toward purity and

wholeness when the intelligence of the body is embraced.

Using the Imagination

If you lack sensitivity in the penis when there is no movement or stimulation, your creative

imagination can help your body to cooperate with your inner reality. Imagination can be a powerful

tool for awakening an inner, cellular experience. You can take your attention into the penis and

visualize it as a channel for potency, warmth, love, light, gold, or whatever encourages an inner

perception and flow. Energy follows imagination, so by leading the way with visualization, you can

actually begin to experience vitality and sensation.

We know how well the imagination works in sexual fantasy, but in that situation we are imagining

something that doesn’t exist, so we are completely absent and disconnected from what is happening in

the here and now. When imagination is directed toward something that actually exists in the energetic

realm, it has the power to elevate the experience and gradually open man to the inner experience of

his radiant penis.

Bringing Attention from the Head to the Perineum

Generally speaking a man will tend to have most of his attention on the head of the penis, naturally,

because this is where he experiences the most intense pleasure. To begin to shift attention away from

the head of the penis, visualize your penis as a channel for potency, warmth, and love. Imagine that it

is a fountain of light and liquid gold energy, circulating its dynamic force back into your body.

Envision your penis as a channel or conduit, and refocus your attention on the base of your penis, in

the area of the perineum. The perineum, a small, coin-sized area of knotty muscle lying directly in

front of the anus, is virtually the root of the penis and is its energetic source. It is where the muscles

and tissues that form the penis initially emerge from the floor of your pelvis.

When you begin to make love and feel the sexual heat rising, bring your attention to the perineum.

Consciously relax the entire pelvic floor area, including the anus and testicles. When you notice your

attention start to drift—there are, after all, abundant distractions—you may notice that in your absence

the pelvic floor area once again contracts and tightens. Relaxing the anus frequently and maintaining

awareness of the base of the penis will give you an inner feeling of your penis as a complete unit,

rather than a disembodied tool for thrusting. It becomes a divine instrument capable of channeling

subtle energies that flow or stream from the root upward to the radiant head, and beyond into your

receptive partner. Be aware of your breathing and of the subtle sensations deep within your physical

core as your inner rod of magnetism awakens. Notice how the life force rises to caress your heart into

vibrant aliveness. (See the appendix at the back of the book for specific ways to increase sensitivity.)

A HIGHLY SENSITIVE MAGNET

The silky, slippery, smooth, sensitive head of the penis bears testament to its powerful magnetic

properties. The head radiates life force, energy, and potency, which correspond directly with the

receptive, relaxed, inviting vaginal environment. The head of the penis also acts as a catalyst with

profoundly healing properties (see chapter 8 on sexual healing and male authority). When the head of

the penis corresponds to its equal and opposite pole, the connection is able to generate states of

ecstasy. Tantra master Barry Long, from Australia, says that a man should attempt to “become” his

penis while making love. Through awareness and presence a man can gradually learn to merge with

his penis, and be his penis.

There is a ruthless emphasis in our culture on the size of a man’s penis when erect, and even when

it is flaccid. Sometimes the two don’t even correlate, since it’s impossible to estimate the erect size

of a penis based on its flaccid state. Convention insists that bigger is better, so a man may have

feelings of shame or insecurity because of his size, which affects his capacity to trust, love, and value

his own penis.

In the tantric approach, sensitivity and capacity of presence are more important than size and

performance. It is true that a bigger penis is able to cause more friction in the vagina, but a penis that

is big and hard can also be numb and insensitive in itself, as well as cause discomfort to a woman.

However, when there is a shift in our thinking about sex, we can begin to give value to our subtle

energy exchanges, which means that any size is perfect. Many men discover that their optimally

perceptive sensitive state is when the penis is only half erect. How you do something is much more

meaningful than what you do, or the size or rigidity of your sex organ. The penis is innately intelligent,

and if man is able to relax back into himself, nature will express itself through him.

PERSONAL SHARING

Focusing on the Inner Body

During the lovemaking retreat we repeated one exercise several times, which involved closing my eyes and focusing just

on the inner body (the home in my body) in order to feel a connection with my pelvis. It was always a beautiful experience

for me.

When I felt connected with myself, I slowly opened my eyes, still focusing on the inside, and slowly turned to my

partner, who had just done the same exercise. While slowly coming together in this manner, I was full of joy and love. I

realized that my penis stiffened and I wanted to share this pleasant feeling with my partner and rub my penis against her,

as I used to in the past.

However, this time I tried something new. I stayed with my feeling, sensed my penis from inside, and experienced a

strange energy filling my body and rising to my heart. This wonderful connection, this streaming of energy from my penis

to my heart, was very fulfilling for me and left a deep impression. All this happened just because I was alert and

contained my feeling, and did not automatically project my feeling out of my own body.

PERSONAL SHARING

Swaying in a Tantric Dance

One sensation that came up again and again was of a kind of dance happening between penis and vagina. When I was

inside my wife, I perceived a soft motion between us—like leaves swaying gently in a warm breeze, or as if my penis were

surrounded by soft, warm liquid. Although seen from an outside perspective our bodies did not move, my motions were, in

fact, in harmony with her motions, and I felt deeply connected to my beloved in what felt like a dance between the female

and the male. As I remember this event, I wonder again about the untapped potential of our sexual organs. Tantra is a

true adventure to me. My perceptions during lovemaking have become more refined, diversified, and intense. This makes

lovemaking more touching, colorful, and deeply conscious for me, both physically and energetically.

I have a beautiful experience to share: One morning when we were making love and were inside of each other, I felt

as if my penis were surrounded by warm liquid honey. My wife’s vagina was soft and receptive, I was very present and

focused, and a common space formed between us, a healing space in which my masculinity encountered the femininity of

my beloved. Energetically there was just this one space, within which we could love each other in total freedom. After

some time we changed position, and my wife suddenly got aroused and had an orgasm. After that her vagina felt tense

and tight, and the space between us had disappeared.

PERSONAL SHARING

One with Myself and with My Lover

I’ve begun to notice the ability of my penis to stay erect without my being aroused. Previously erectness was inextricably

connected with arousal. I happen to see a sexy woman, and poing—my penis gets stiff. My wife touches my penis—poing.

But now the poing happens without any arousal, but only if we are inside of each other and I am present, focused, and

relaxed. There are two factors that make it extra easy: If my lover is also present and if I am deeply in her vagina. Most

of those times I feel a strong energy flow within myself and between us. Everything around us becomes unimportant, and I

am one with myself and my lover. I feel held, loved, and simply at home in myself and in everything that is.

Tantric Inspiration

Remain with the beginning; do not move to the end. How to remain in the beginning? Many things are to be

remembered. First, don’t take the sex act as a way of going anywhere. Don’t take it as a means: it is the end in

itself. There is no end to it; it is not a means. Secondly, do not think of the future; remain with the present. And if

you cannot remain in the present in the beginning part of the sex act, then you can never remain in the present—

because the very nature of the act is such that you are thrown into the present.

Remain in the present. Enjoy the meeting of two bodies, two souls, and merge into each other, melt into each

other. Forget that you are going anywhere. Remain in the moment going nowhere, and melt. Warmth, love, should be

made a situation for two persons to melt into each other. That is why, if there is no love, the sex act is a hurried act.

You are using the other; the other is just a means. And the other is using you. You are exploiting each other, not

merging into each other. With love you can merge. This merging in the beginning will give you many new insights.

If you are not in a hurry to finish the act, the act, by and by, becomes less and less sexual and more and more

spiritual. Sex organs also melt into each other. A deep silent communion happens between two body energies, and

then you can remain for hours together. This togetherness moves deeper and deeper as time passes. But don’t think.

Remain with the moment deeply merged. It becomes an ecstasy, a samadhi, cosmic consciousness. And if you can

know this, if you can feel and realize this, your sexual mind will become nonsexual.

OSHO, TRANSCRIBED TEACHINGS,

VIGYAN BHAIRAV TANTRA

6

AWARENESS, MOVEMENT, PENETRATION, AND

ERECTION

AWARENESS

The expression “It’s not what you do, but how you do it” is more deeply understood through these

simple yet profound words of Osho: “Tantra is the transformation of sex into love through

awareness.” These few words encapsulate the essence of tantra, which is about awareness—nothing

more, nothing less. If we are aware and conscious during sex, sex transforms into love. Awareness