Tantric Sex for Men - Diana Richardson

OSHO, TRANSCRIBED TEACHINGS,

LET GO!: A DARSHAN DIARY

7

DATES, FOREPLAY, KISSING, AND POSITIONS

MAKE LOVE DATES

Knowing you are going to have sex can really be a big turn-on. Nothing beats looking at your diary

and seeing that from 6 to 9 p.m. tonight you have an appointment with your partner—to make love!

You know that today, for sure, it’s going to happen, which is not generally guaranteed under ordinary

circumstances. How many times does your woman brush you aside before she lets you be close?

Several years ago there was a story about the famous musician, Sting, and although we don’t know

whether or not it’s true, it makes the point about women’s general lack of availability in a humorous

way. According to the story, Sting made a comment to the press about his sex life, making himself

almost as famous for this as for his music. His claim that he had made love for six hours or so caused

an international stir. Some weeks later, or so the story goes, he clarified his statement by explaining

that five of the six hours had consisted of begging.

Initially, setting a fixed time for sex may seem somewhat strange, because we have the idea that sex

ought to be spontaneous—without preparation or premeditation. In fact, sex is rarely truly

spontaneous, but happens more on an accidental or habitual basis. Sexual thoughts accompany man

throughout his every day, but although he makes endless appointments for other things, no time or

space is consciously set aside for the actual act of sex. Real sex (as opposed to virtual sex, which is

increasing at an alarming rate since the advent of the Internet) appears to be low on a man’s list of

priorities. After work, socializing, putting the kids to bed, and watching TV, then perhaps (if he’s not

too tired) sex will happen. Hopefully, but not necessarily.

Attunement and Relaxation

With guaranteed sex on the horizon, you will perhaps observe yourself feeling more positive, present,

and enthusiastic about being alive. You’ll feel more at ease knowing that sex will happen, that your

partner has actually agreed to meet you and make love. The knowing allows you to settle into yourself

in advance, bringing awareness to your body, your legs, perineum, and breath. Inwardly preparing for

sex is an effective form of foreplay.

Set aside three or more hours for lovemaking, if possible. It probably sounds like a lot right now,

but after a bit of experimentation, three hours may turn out to be a bit on the short side. If three-hour

slots are difficult to carve out for yourselves, then settle for one or two hours. Sometimes give

yourself an entire day in bed, with breaks for meals and so on. When lovemaking transpires several

times on the same day, bodily ease deepens to the extent that bodies enter a state of spontaneous

letting-go, undulating, moving, and dancing of their own accord in a divine choreography. In states

such as these, the bodies are unable to stop, so you find yourself making love for hours, totally

absorbed, present to each split second, unaware of the passage of time.

The Tantric Quickie

The tantric quickie is also highly recommended. Soft penetration for ten, fifteen, or twenty minutes is

a perfect way to start off the day. It brings you back home to yourself before you leave home and

allows you to relax into the center of your being, which transforms the quality of the day ahead. Last

thing at night is also perfect for a tantric quickie, or during an afternoon nap on the weekend. Soft

union without erection is so simple and easy; just slip it in, no big performance needed, no great

expenditure of energy. You just connect the genitals, relax into the moment, and become present in

your body.

Quite possibly the experience of jumping into sex at a fixed time every day feels clinical and

unromantic. Also, putting the unerect penis into the vagina (as described in chapter 6) may feel

somewhat cold-blooded and technical. You may even feel shy and self-conscious because you are

used to making love in the dark or being more concealed. Don’t give concerns such as these too much

attention, because first impressions fade quickly. Conscious meetings in broad daylight where

everything is natural and out in the open are a dream come true for many of us. How easy is this?

How sane and sensible is this? Both people are present, willing, and committed. It is ordinary, yet

extraordinary. Any initial feelings of awkwardness will soon be replaced by the joy of simplicity and

ordinariness, in which you can connect with yourself and your partner in a relaxed and relaxing way.

FOREPLAY

The majority of women, when pressed, will admit that the usual ways men touch and stimulate them

actually turn them off. This is sobering news, but relaxing, too, because it means there is less fumbling

and guesswork required. A perfect guideline for foreplay: “It’s not what you do, but how you do it.”

Presence and Awareness, the Greatest Aphrodisiac

Osho says, “Tantra denies nothing, but transforms everything,” which means that awareness changes

the situation; any action carried out with awareness is transformed through awareness itself. This

basically means that almost anything goes when we are aware, consenting parties. Best is to keep

everything simple, innocent, and exploratory, not following any program or putting yourselves under

any pressure. Get into your body and enjoy being in it. Touch, stroke, kiss, embrace, and stay in the

awareness. Stay present in each and every movement or gesture, with nowhere special to go, being

innocent in the simplicity of the situation.

Any kind of touch should bring about an expansion of the other person’s energy field, not a

contraction. Foreplay becomes simple with the realization that there is no need to excite your partner

to make her horny. Excitement will often cause a contraction of the energy field, and any hard or

pressuring physical touch will do the same. Try feather-light touches instead.

What women respond to is man’s presence and awareness, and awareness is basically effortless

when compared to all the usual action in sex. Of course it initially takes effort to maintain presence,

but it becomes increasingly familiar and effortless with practice. Presence is easily accessed through

the body, and it takes time for an individual to relax into a cellular experience of self, which naturally

captures or holds one in the present.

Patience

Foreplay is not so significant for men, because the male positive pole is more or less ever ready, but

women definitely appreciate being given time to warm up to love. A woman requires space to relax

into her body, her senses, and her receptivity. As an equal and opposite force, this prerequisite is a

basic need for her, as explained in chapter 4. Patience and a selfless approach will pay off for the

man in the long term. Patience is not some kind of obligation, but simply realizing, accepting, and

appreciating that woman (whom you wish to enter physically) is different from you and needs time to

open internally before the marvelous experience of entering and joining with her can be of any true

value.

Barry Long said that for man, “Patience is the beginning of stillness.” Stillness is a quieting of the

system and the lessening of thoughts, staying present in the body and inwardly “holding the space.” It

is simply being in the here and now, resting in your body and being, present to woman. It is not

turning her on, but opening and accessing her, supporting her to relax and melt into herself, giving her

the feeling of being at home and at ease. If the initial pace is easy, relaxed, and slow, lovemaking is

more likely to be filled with timeless delight and pleasure.

Losing Your Erection

Waiting for, or being with, a woman as her body opens means that most probably you will lose your

initial erection, if you have one. Don’t worry if this happens! An erection can easily return in an

atmosphere of loving presence and awareness. And if not, who cares? You always have the five-star

option of soft entry without erection.

Remember, true erection is a by-product of consciousness, love, and presence. It is a magical

electromagnetic response to a unique set of circumstances, as explained in chapter 6, which deals

with erection in more detail.

The Role of Women’s Breasts in Male Erection

The wisest place to give a woman loving attention is her breasts. Woman experience their deepest

orgasmic experiences through melting into their breasts. As mentioned earlier, in chapter 4, breasts

are the positive dynamic poles of the female body, from which sexual energy is awakened. After

some time of relaxing into her breasts (and being supported by her man), a woman will usually feel an

overflow, experience a vibrant response, in her vagina. Woman’s body then becomes filled with a

deep yearning for penetration, and her body and being give an unconditional “yes.” When a woman

has a strong inner connection to her breasts, the spontaneous erection response is likely to happen

more easily (as described in chapter 6).

Woman needs to feel her own breasts for herself, from within. You cannot do the internal feeling

for her, but you can definitely create the situation that helps her to feel into, and sense, her breasts

from the inside. You can touch both breasts at the same time if you are in a position that allows for a

two-hand hold. Otherwise, touching just one breast is also fine, and the woman may wish to touch her

other breast herself.

How to Hold the Breasts

With open hands, cup the breasts while lifting upward from underneath them. Let the hand contact be

“porous,” not compressing or squashing the sensitive breast tissue. Then take your attention into your

hands; relax your hands, arms, and shoulders; and simply be present and melt into your hands and into

her breasts. Mold your hands to fit the contours. Send love, light, warmth, energy, and good vibrations

through your hands into the woman’s breasts.

There is no need to stimulate the nipples directly, especially the favored radio-tuner style. Some

women become hypersensitive to direct touch of the nipples. For other women, nipple stimulation

raises the level of excitement and sometimes triggers orgasm (for both), so they choose to keep things

cool. Talk about what kind of touch or hold feels good and helps your woman gain an inner

connection to her breasts. Reaching around her body to hold her breasts while you embrace her from

behind (right hand—right breast, left hand—left breast) can be a beautifully opening and healing

experience for a woman. Right hand on the left breast, left hand on the right breast is also a

possibility, where man’s arms cross over in front of woman’s body. But be careful when crossing the

arms. Doing so can make the embrace too tight, which squashes the woman, effectively compressing

her energy field and her capacity for relaxation and expansion. She may want to escape your hold

instead.

In the situation where a woman has had surgical removal of her breast or breasts, the deeper energy

centers remain unaffected. Women will continue to feel the expansion of energy in the breasts even in

the absence of the physical breast.

Basically with women there are no general rules to be made. What works one day may not

necessarily work the next day. Women are very sensitive to any signs of male intention. Woman can

feel immediately if a man has intention behind his touch, and this very often closes down her body.

Drop your agendas and programming when you are with a woman. Just be present in yourself and in

your heart, sharing your being, touching, and caressing with love. Finding a touch without intention is

a subtle art.

In the past it may have appeared that a woman functions counter to the man, in that she demands

this, needs that, and has many preconditions to be satisfied before she opens sexually. But we now

realize that the obstacle is due to a misunderstanding about her body, and not some kind of mental

resistance, personality difference, or lack of interest in sex. Sadly, during the lifetime of a woman the

female sexual energy is not often awakened sufficiently for her to have deep orgasmic experiences.

By beginning with her breasts instead of stimulating her clitoris, you will access a woman’s sexual

energy on a profound inner level. The more a man is able to simply wait for his woman’s sexual

temperature to rise, to meet and equal his own sexual temperature, the more satisfying the sexual

experience is likely to be. Man’s deepest longing is to bring woman to orgasmic fulfillment and feel

her love flowing toward him.

Oral Sex and Masturbation

Oral sex and mutual masturbation are given a great deal of emphasis in the conventional style of sex

because of their stimulating and exciting effects. When we start to create a more relaxed and sensitive

environment, the need for stimulation is reduced. So it is possible that in time some things that you

previously enjoyed or gave a value to slip out of significance because they no longer serve you. Many

men have told us that they reduced their masturbation habit when they experienced how it was having

a desensitizing effect on the tissues of the penis.

You may also find another way to do the same thing, remembering that “tantra denies nothing but

transforms everything.” Touch yourself or the other with love and awareness. Bring their or your

body to life, a state of being awake and alert. Get into your senses and sensuality. Expand the

pleasure through relaxation. Explore the valleys long before you think of heading for the peak, or