Tantric Sex for Men - Diana Richardson

years. The same is true for man. On an encouraging note, once a man of eighty years attended a

couple’s workshop with his wife of seventy-six; four years later they continue to have genital union as

a daily practice. Their motivation in attending was to have one more adventure in life, and they both

report a vastly improved quality of life; each day is a joy and filled with love.

When man enters a woman before her body is “open,” it is similar to butting his head against a

closed door. You can get only so far, but no further. However, when you have the keys to the door,

you will find it opens easily and often. When man accepts the fact that woman is basically slower

than he and her system requires preparation, then his sexual experiences will begin to transform into

empowering acts of love.

Energy flows from positive to negative. This is the direction of movement, penis into vagina. A

doorway opens, energy moves. When woman is vibrantly receptive, the direct connection between

penis and vagina forms one vital unit. There is a flow and exhange of energy, potency, and life force.

The Diminished Role of the Clitoris in Tantric Sex

The vagina naturally has greater significance (for both men and women) than the clitoris because it is

understood to be the receptacle for man’s dynamic force. Normally the clitoris is considered to be the

saving grace, the sun around which everything revolves, because clitoral stimulation can easily, but

not necessarily, bring woman to orgasm. Clitoral stimulation will intensify excitement, which can, in

fact, have a subtly disturbing effect on the cellular receptivity of the vagina. This tension in turn

disturbs the capacity of woman to accept and receive the dynamic force into her. Clitoral stimulation

elicits sexual desire but causes tension and confusion in the vaginal vibration, and the potential of the

penetration is reduced.

Basic to experiencing higher states is maintaining a lower level of excitement, as introduced in

chapter 2. A cool, nonstimulating approach allows the vagina to remain free of tension, able to

maintain a relaxed, receptive atmosphere. If a woman is able to monitor her own excitement, to relax

into her body rather than work at building up the intensity, she is less likely to inadvertently trigger

man’s ejaculation. Likewise, if man does not attempt to excite his woman, ejaculation can be

postponed and lovemaking can be extended for hours.

A woman can get a bit fixated on her clitoris because of the pleasure and intensity experienced

though these nerve endings. Sometimes it can be challenging to let go of things we know and have

enjoyed. All the same, an elevation of sexual experience requires curiosity and intelligence by both

partners and a willingness to explore the unknown. (See chapter 8 for more about the clitoris.)

Female Sexual Energy is Raised in the Breasts

The big question is now how to knock on heaven’s door. The true way to expand female sexual

energy is to initially shift the emphasis away from the vagina and clitoris toward the breasts, which

signifies a shift from negative pole to positive pole in woman. The breasts are the positive, dynamic

pole from which energy is awakened, the key to accessing the female body. Energy can only be raised

from a positive, dynamic pole and not from a passive, receptive pole. First the breasts need to

become energized and filled with awareness (and this takes time), and then as a result the vagina will

respond and become an invitation. Through merging with her breasts a woman is capable of

experiencing the most profound orgasmic states. The vagina/clitoris, which is the usual starting point

in conventional sex, is—energetically speaking—the passive, receptive pole in the female body. In

truth, the vagina can only become fully alive and energized via the positive and dynamic pole of the

breasts.

When man knows that the breasts are the doorway, the access to woman, his approach can be

simpler and more informed, with less guessing or fiddling around to find the clitoris and get it just

right. Instead, loving attention can be given to the breasts, which doesn’t even require much effort on

man’s part. It is more a matter of “being” in your hands, without any intention or agenda lying behind

the touch. A warm hand that gently embraces and lovingly molds to the breasts is absolutely perfect.

There is no need to stimulate the nipples directly, but only indirectly through simple hand contact or a

feather-light brush once or twice. Some women have hypersensitive nipples, so it’s best to find out

what suits your woman. (See more on breasts and foreplay in chapter 7.)

Ancient tantric wisdom makes it possible to initiate a thrilling journey of self-discovery, the

outcome of which is the true experience of masculinity. This requires a revolutionary reevaluation of

sex and the discovery that the “how” of sex plays a profound role in maintaining an active sex life and

a loving, joyful relationship. The key is to treat woman as complementary and not the same. Any

limitation in the sexual experience of woman inevitably limits the sexual experience of man. If woman

is adversely affected through a lack of orgasmic experiences, then so is man, even if he is not aware

of this.

SHIFT FROM SENSATION TO SENSITIVITY

There is a general requirement to shift away from sensation and excitement toward sensitivity and

nature’s subtle energetic connection. Lovemaking must be reconceived as an interplay of dynamic and

receptive forces that give rise to extraordinary energetic experiences. A shift away from sensation

toward sensitivity imbues man with true male attributes and the ability to be present to his penis. To

give value to, and opportunity for, the male-female connection within the vagina, where the vagina

becomes an embracing sheath that elicits the essential qualities imbued in the penis, supporting man’s

experience of himself as authentic man. A natural biological ecstasy is possible, an exchange that

satisfies every cell in the body and lies beyond the pleasure of ejaculation and fantasy.

The penis has a definite intelligence and innate sensitivity. When the female environment is open,

warm, and loving, the penis responds positively to the intrinsic force-flow. When the female

environment is closed, tight, or unwelcoming, the penis can easily shrink and withdraw as it loses

cellular interest. For a man it is a profoundly moving and touching experience to feel deeply

welcomed into the vagina by a woman.

Awakening Polarity

You and your partner can make yourselves more aware of your complementary polarities before you

start lovemaking—as a kind of foreplay. Or at any other time.

Sit opposite each other on the floor on cushions situated a little distance apart so that your knees or

hands aren’t touching. Close your eyes and tune into your positive poles: for you that would be at the

root of your penis (the perineum), and for your partner, her breasts and nipples. Take a few minutes

for this. After a while when you feel you have managed to pull your attention into your penis and

testicles, imagine the penis radiating energy, light, and warmth toward your woman’s vagina. She

should imagine herself receiving the love and light into her vagina and at the same time radiating

warmth, light, and love out through her breasts to you. Imagine receiving all this beautiful energy and

absorb it into your chest and heart.

You can use the breath to support the experience if you wish (but should you feel more relaxed

without any special attention on the breath, this choice is fine too). As you breathe out, radiate love

and light from the penis. As you breathe in, absorb the love and light coming from her breasts.

Breathe in together and then out together for a while. Or as one breathes out, the other breathes in,

then vice versa. When you feel ready, open your eyes in a gentle, receptive way, and sustain an

inviting, gentle eye contact.

If you feel a physical attraction arising between you, woman can move across the space, and you

can assist her to wrap her legs around your waist while sitting in your lap (yab yum position);

cushions can be used to support her if necessary. This position brings the genitals into closer

proximity and the breasts and chest into correspondence. This means the inner magnets are meeting at

opposite ends. Embrace lightly and feel the inner sensations, or use the imagination to circle the

energies.

If you wish, you can also change the breathing pattern—as you breathe in, woman breathes out; as

woman breathes in, you breathe out. This practice will intensify the feeling of the energy and

aliveness circling between your bodies. After a time you probably will begin to feel subtle sensations

of the energy circulating. If yab-yum is not comfortable to sustain, you can move into a standing

position, or you can do the entire exercise standing. Experiencing this circling energy may lead to a

mutual desire for union, but if not, slowly separate your bodies so that you don’t suddenly break the

energetic connection. Sit with closed eyes and settle your attention inside your own body for few

minutes.

Tantric Inspiration

And this merger should not become unconscious, otherwise you miss the point. Then it is a beautiful sex act, but not

transformation. It is beautiful, nothing is wrong in it, but it is not transformation. And if it is unconscious then you will

always be moving in a rut. Again and again you will want to have this experience. The experience is beautiful as far

as it goes, but it will become a routine. And each time you have it, again more desire is created. The more you have

it, the more you desire it, and you move in a vicious circle. You don’t grow, you just rotate.

Rotation is bad because then growth is not happening. The energy is simply wasted. Even if the experience is

good, the energy is wasted, because much more was possible. And it was just at the corner, just a turn, and much

more was possible. With the same energy the divine could have been achieved. With the same energy the ultimate

ecstasy is possible, and you are wasting that energy in momentary experiences. And by and by those experiences

will become boring, because repeated again and again, everything becomes boring. When the newness is lost,

boredom is created.

If you remain alert you will see: first, changes of energy in the body; second, dropping of thoughts from the mind;

and third, dropping of the ego from the heart. And when this third thing has happened, that energy, your sex energy,

has transformed into meditative energy.

OSHO, TRANSCRIBED TEACHINGS,

MY WAY: THE WAY OF THE WHITE CLOUDS

5

THE PENIS—A POTENT ELECTROMAGNETIC

INSTRUMENT

A man who experiences his penis as a divine instrument of love and ecstasy develops a profound trust

in his manhood, which rests easily and gently at the center of his being. He has the capacity to listen

to his body, loves and respects his penis, and knows how to be male in relation to female. He

understands the source of his erection and is in control of his ejaculation, and not vice versa. He

becomes able to prolong the sex act at will and capable of holding a relaxed, timeless space that

supports woman (and thereby himself) as an equal and opposite force in experiencing orgasmic

fulfillment.

When man and woman are rooted in nature—man as dynamic force, woman as receptive force—

there is an intrinsic movement as a by-product of the meeting of opposite polarities. Spontaneous,

inherent circles of giving and receiving come into play. Man gives to woman, she receives from man;

woman gives to man, he receives from woman. Many men have probably experienced, however

briefly, no greater blessing than being the recipient of woman’s love; there is nothing more gratifying

or significant in the life of a man. When he receives a shower of female essence, divine feminine

nectar, the pure sweetness of it is a magically empowering experience for a man. It is the love that is

awakened in her through the power of a loving penis. Such enchanting experiences are the true

outcome of sexual union, but happen much too seldom. Normally at the outset of a relationship, when

the situation is fresh and new, magical experiences naturally occur. The knack is to keep re-creating

the newness and not fall into habit or take each other for granted.

SEXUAL CONDITIONING INFLUENCES SEXUAL BEHAVIOR

Very few men have conscious control over themselves or their penises in sex, which puts them at a

disadvantage in creating love. Lack of control exists because there is a complete absence of

constructive information. Instead, unconscious impressions about sex from earliest childhood

accumulate and shape the individual, gradually forming a sexual conditioning that distorts the

individual’s natural sexual responses or expression.

Although clarification about sex, or useful sex education, is virtually nonexistent in our culture, sex

continues to be a driving and distracting force. But at the same time this powerful force is kept under

wraps, like a secret. Most people are involved in sex in some way, but nobody acknowledges it,

shares information, or even talks about it. Sex shifts away from the body and becomes an aspect of the

mind as expressed in thoughts, fantasies, dreams, and voyeurism, and this is true even in self-

pleasuring. Sex leaves the realm of the humanly sensitive flesh to become something you think about a

zillion times more than you actually do.

When a man finally gets together with a woman, he operates on his accumulated past experiences

and guesswork, and hopes for the best. Beneath multiple layers of bravado and performance