Английский разговорный шутя. 100 самых смешных анекдотов на лучшие разговорные темы - Виктор Миловидов

7. It was a recommendation that you grab your wife and fling her into the cage.

7. 1. I want you to visit the local zoo.

2. I expect you to wear this cute dress.

3. Don't make him go ape.

4. I saw him jumping up on the bars.

5. They heard the gorilla grunt and pound his chest with his free hand.

6. I watched her wiggling her bottom.

7. The husband noticed the ape being excited, and wanted his wife to tease the poor fellow even more.

8. 1. The local zoo is being visited by a man and his wife.

2. His chest is pounded with his free hand.

3. The gorilla is obviously excited by the pretty lady in the pink dress.

4. The dead would be woken by the noises.

5. The bars are being torn down by the gorilla.

6. Her dress has been lifted up her thighs.

7. The poor gorilla is driven absolutely crazy.

8. The wife is grabbed and flung in with the gorilla by her husband.

Section 14:

2. 1. a husband said to his wife, «i invited a friend home for supper.»

2. Are you crazy?

3. The house is a mess.

4. All the dishes are dirty.

5. I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal.

6. Why did you invite a friend for supper?

7. The poor fool is thinking about getting married.

3. 1-d, 2-c, 3-b, 4-e, 5-a.

4. 1-d, 2-c, 3-f, 4-b, 5-h, 6-g, 7-Е, 8-А.

5. 1. I invited a friend home for supper.

2. Are you crazy?

3. I didn't go shopping.

4. I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal.

5. The poor fool is thinking about getting married.

6. 1. Instead of going to the restaurant with a friend he invited him home for supper.

2. She is talking to the husband now.

3. On coming home he went shopping.

4. I am fond of washing dishes.

5. He finished working after 6 o'clock.

6. He stopped eating and looked at the watch.

7. We are eating salad.

8. I am fond of shopping.

9. The man smoking a cigarette is my brother.

Section 15:

2. 1. Trying to avoid the little woman, he parks a block away.

2. He takes off his shoes, careful not to make a noise.

3. He quietly opens the door and tiptoes into the room.

4. He gets hit by a frying pan.

5. He tells the story to a friend at the local watering hole.

6. His best friend sadly shakes his head.

7. I go borrow my bud's Harley.

8. I take the Harley rat up on the porch.

3. true: 1, 3, 5, 6. false: 2, 4, 7.

4. 1-Е, 2-D, 3-1,4-B, 5-H, 6-J, 7-F, 8-A, 9-G, 10-C.

5. 1. He takes off his shoes as he walks up the stairs.

2. He quietly opens the door and tiptoes into the room.

3. He gets hit by a frying pan.

4. His best friend sadly shakes his head.

5. Now here's how I do it.

6. I take the Harley rat up on the porch.

7. I slam open the door and scream.

8. My wife is always asleep.

6. 1. Having got drunk, the guy came home real late.

2. Trying to avoid the little woman, he left his car a block away from his home.

3. Walking up the stairs, he tries his best not to make a noise.

4. Opening quietly the door and tiptoeing into the room, he gets hit by a frying pan.

5. Telling the story to a friend the next day at the local watering hole, he sees him sadly shake his head.

6. Taking the Harley rat up on the porch, I start screamin' and a cussin'.

7. Slamming open the door and screamin', he finds his wife always asleep.

7. 1. avoid,

2. tiptoe,

3. borrow,

4. local,

5. mess,

6. exhibit,

7. excitement,

8 fellow,

9. ape,

10. sleeveless.

Section 16:

2. 1. Two of the guys are talking about the amount of control they had over their wives.

2. The third guy remained quiet.

3. After a while one of the first two guys turned to the third one.

4. What sort of control do you have over your wife?

5. Just the other night my wife came to me.

6. The first two guys were amazed.

7. The third man took a healthy swallow of his beer.

3. 1-Е, 2-F, 3-C, 4-A, 5-B, 6-D, 7-G.

4. 1-D, 2-Е, 3-C, 4-F, 5-H, 6-G, 7-B, 8-A.

5. 1. There were three guys talking in the pub.

2. What is the amount of control you have over your wife?

3. The third guy remained quiet.

4. After a while one of the first two turned to the third.

5. Well, what about you?

6. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.

7. What happened then?

6. 1. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they got over their wives.

2. What sort of control do you get over your wife?

3. I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife got to me on her hands and knees.

4. The first two guys got amazed.

5. The third man got a healthy swallow of his beer.

Section 17:

2. 1. two couples wanted to join a church.

2. We have special requirements for new parishioners.

3. You must abstain from having sex.

4. No problem at all, Pastor.

5. Welcome to the church!

6. I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights.

7. We were not able to go without sex.

8. My wife was reaching for a can of corn.

3. true: 2, 3, 5, false: 1, 4, 6, 7.

4. 1-Е, 2-a, 3-f, 4-1, 5-b, 6-j, 7-g, 8-c, 9-h, 10-d.

5. 1. three couples wanted to join a church.

2. We have special requirements for new parishioners.

3. The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.

4. No problem at all, Pastor.

5. Congratulations! Welcome to the church!

6. The first week was not too bad.

7. I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights.

8. I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there.

9. We're not welcome at the local supermarket anymore either.

6. 1.you can join the church.

2.You'll be able to join the church if you meet special requirements.

3.You must abstain from sex for three weeks.

4. We can't do this.

5. We were to come in three weeks.

6. We were not able to do this.

7. I had to sleep on the couch.

8. I didn't have to sleep on the couch.

9. May I join your church without a trial period?

10. I was allowed to do it without a trial period.

11. You shouldn't go to the local supermarket anymore.

7. 1. It's a recommendation that you join a church.

2. It's necessary that we have special requirements for new parishioners.

3. He suggested that we abstain from having sex for two weeks.

4. He urged them to come back at the end of two weeks.

5. He found it necessary to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights.

8.  1. I want you to join a church.

2. He expected them to abstain from having sex for two weeks.

3. The pastor saw the elderly couple enter the church.

4. He let them pass over to the altar.

5. This made him sleep on the couch for a couple of nights.

6. He watched the wife trying to reach for a can of corn.

7. He saw her pick the can up.

8. This made him take advantage of her right there.

Section 18:

2. 1. An elderly couple had been dating for some time.

2. Before the wedding they embarked on a long conversation.

3. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

4. Finally the old man decided to broach the subject of sex.

5. Oh, I like to have it infrequently.

6. Was that one word or two?

3. True: 2, 6. False: 1, 3, 4, 5.

4. 1-d, 2-c, 3-1, 4-e, 5-b, 6-j, 7-h, 8-k, 9-a, 10-f, 11-g.

5. 1. An elderly couple decided it was finally time to marry.

2. Before the wedding they spoke about how their marriage might work.

3. Finally he decided to speak about their connubial relationship.

4. Oh, I like to have it infrequently.

5. Was that one word or two?

6. 1. An elderly couple had been dating for some time.

2. They had been meeting from May till December.

3. Before the wedding they met at the restaurant, and after dinner they embarked on a long conversation.

4. They spoke about their living arrangements and the way they would spend their honeymoon.

5. She wanted to go to Naples, while he insisted on staying in the USA.

6. He took the bottle of champagne which stood in front of him on the dinner table and poured some wine into her glass.

7. The old man decided to discuss the subject of their connubial relations.

8. She flung the wine into his face saying, «What do you take me for?»

7. 1. we don't have to date any more.

2. We can get married.

3. We must discuss how our marriage will work.

4. Do we have to discuss finances?

5. May I broach the subject of our connubial relations?

6. I have to ask you if I can discuss this point as well.

7. Will I be allowed to do it frequently?

8. I wasn't able to understand what she meant.

8. 1. they had been dating for some time and decided it was finally time to marry.

2. Before the wedding they embarked on a long conversation.

3. They discussed how their marriage might work.

4. They discussed finances.

5. Finally the old man decided to broach the subject of their connubial relationship.

6. How do you feel about sex?

9.1. finances,

2. connubial,

3. respond,

4. elderly,

5. abstain,

6. welcome,

7. overcome,

8. pub,

9. beer,

10. fight.

Section 19:

2. 1. Generally soft and round.

2. Melts when treated properly.

3. Violent when left alone.

4. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food.

5. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.

6. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

7. Highly explosive in inexperienced hands!

3. 1-Е, 2-f, 3-d, 4-b, 5-a, 6-c, 7-g.

4. 1-d, 2-o, 3-k, 4-e, 5-b, 6-j, 7-l, 8-a, 9-1, 10-f, 11-c, 12-M, 13-G, 14-P, 15-N, 16-H.

5. 1. Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily.

2. Difficult to find a pure sample.

3. Aging samples are unable to conduct electricity.

4. Tends to form strong bonds with itself.

6. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.

7. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.

8. This element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

6. 1. womanium is boiling at room temperature.

2. It melts if treated properly.

3. Be careful while using Womanium.

4. Absorbing great amounts of food, Womanium tends to put on much weight.

5. The element turning slightly green, is Womanium.

6. Wonanium has dispersed much of my wealth.

7. Probably it's the most powerful income reducing agent known.

8. Manium gets bent out of shape easily.

9. Manium forming strong bonds with Womanium, never decomposes too soon.

Section 20:

2. 1. a woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor.

2. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity.

3. I gave a bum five whole dollars.

4. That's a lot of money to give away.

5. He thought it was the proper thing to do.

3. True: 3, 5. False: 1, 2, 4.

4. 1-g, 2-d, 3-h, 4-b, 5-f, 6-a, 7-1, 8-c, 9-e.

5. 1. i feel really good today.

2. I gave a five dollar bill to a bum.

3. That's a lot of money to just give away.

4. He thought it was the proper thing to do.

5. He said, «Thanks.»

6. demoralize деморализовать

defame обесславливать

discharge разряжать

discomfort причинять неудобство

immature незрелый

disarrange разрушать

impatient нетерпеливый

decode расшифровывать

disadvantage невыгодное положение

improbable невероятный

inappropriate несоответствующий

immobile неподвижный

infrequent нечастый

decompose разлагаться

immortal бессмертный

unable неспособный

unbalanced несбалансированный

degenerate дегенерировать

uncertain неопределенный

unconscious бессознательный

undo уничтожать сделанное

immoral аморальный

disclose раскрывать

discourage обескураживать

inaudible неслышный

incapable неспособный

decompress снижать давление

unfamiliar незнакомый

decolor обесцвечивать

indecision нерешительность

independent независимый

unexpected неожиданный

disbelieve не верить

unload разгружать

disable лишать возможности

deform разрушать форму

ineffective неэффективный

Section 21:

2. 1. A very elderly couple is having dinner.

2. The old man leans forward to his wife.

3. It has always bothered me.

4. Our tenth child never looked like the rest of our children.

5. I want to assure you this has been the most wonderful experience.

6. The wife drops her head, unable to look up.

7. The old man is very shaken.

8. With a tear in his eye he asks, «Who?»

3. 1-d, 2-c, 3-e, 4-a, 5-b.

4. 1-Е, 2-j, 3-b, 4-k, 5-1, 6-c, 7-f, 8-l, 9-d, 10-m, 11-g, 12-H, 13-A.

5. 1. A couple is celebrating their 75th wedding anniversary.

2. Dear, there is something that I must ask you.

3. It has been the most wonderful experience I could have ever had.