Английский разговорный шутя. 100 самых смешных анекдотов на лучшие разговорные темы - Виктор Миловидов

3. It was the heifers that were lined up at the feed trough.

4. There was a bull and some heifers there.

5. There is one more important thing to remember.

6. It was spring and the bulls were pretty excited.

7. It was George who well remembered Sam's instructions about being polite.

7.  1. Two bulls wanted to satisfy all the local female population last year.

2. Sam went down to those heifers over there yesterday.

3. We will wait until they're lined up at the feed trough.

4. We will have our way with the ladies in a nice orderly fashion in five minutes.

5. Feeding time has just come. Line up!

6. Sam started at one end, and George started at the other.

7. We will meet very soon. You'll have to wait a little.

8. Are you showing respect to these ladies?

8.  1. population,

2. trough,

3. satisfy,

4. relax,

5. feeding,

6. respect,

7. female,

8. exclaim,

9. allow,

10. pray.

Section 7:

2.  1. A farmer got a good deal on a dozen pigs.

2. When he got them home he realized they were all females.

3. He wanted to bring his girl pigs over to the neighbor's boy pigs so they could get some baby pigs.

4. The farmer loaded the girl pigs in his truck.

5. That night he went back to pick them up.

6. They would start acting real different.

7. Next morning he went and checked his pigs.

3. true: 2, 5. false: 1, 3, 4, 6.

4. 1-a, 2-c, 3-j, 4-e, 5-1, 6-d, 7-k, 8-l, 9-f, 10-h, 11-g, 12-b.

5. 1. He talked to his neighbor to see if he could bring his pigs over to his place.

2. The neighbor agreed and so the farmer loaded the pigs in the truck.

3. The same night he went back to pick them up.

4. How will I know if they are going to have little pigs?

5. Honey, look out the window and see if the pigs are acting different.

6. Eleven of them are in the back of the truck and one is behind the wheel honking the horn.

6.  1. What you say about your boy pigs sounds really good.

2. The neighbor happily agreed and so the farmer quickly loaded his pigs in the truck.

3. Honey, look out the window and see if the pigs are acting different.

4. Eleven of them are in the back of the truck and one is behind the wheel honking the horn rather loudly.

5. The farmer could hardly get his girl pigs home – so happy they were.

7. 1. Who got a good deal on a dozen pigs at an auction?

What did the farmer get at an auction?

How many pigs did the farmer get a good deal on at an auction?

Where did the farmer get a good deal on a dozen pigs?

2. Who loaded the girl pigs in his truck to visit the neighbor's pigs?

What did the farmer do?

Who did the farmer load in his truck to visit the neighbor's pigs?

Where did the farmer load the girl pigs to visit the neighbor's pigs?

Who did the farmer visit?

3. Who said that they would start acting real different?

What would they start doing?

How would they start acting?

Who would start acting real different?

4. When did he go to check his pigs?

Who went to check his pigs the next morning?

Who did he go to check the next morning?

When did he go to check his pigs?

5. Who was sitting at the table the next morning?

Where was he sitting the next morning?

When was he sitting at the table?

Section 8:

2. 1. A young couple were on their honeymoon.

2. How can I tell my wife that my socks absolutely stink?

3. I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating.

4. I've been very lucky to keep it from him.

5. He's bound to find out.

6. How do I tell him gently?

7. Darling, I've a confession to make.

8. So have I, love.

3. 1-D, 2-A, 3-C, 4-B, 5-F, 6-E.

4. 1-f, 2-1, 3-d, 4-k, 5-e, 6-c, 7-l, 8-n, 9-m, 10-a, 11-g, 12-J, 13-B, 14-H.

5. 1. Sooner or later she's bound to find it out.

2. Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed.

3. I've been lucky to do it while we were courting.

4. How do I tell him gently?

5. The husband finally plucks up courage.

6. He climbs over to his wife and puts his arm around her neck and says.

7. So have I, my love.

6. 1. The husband, as well as his wife, was in the hotel.

2. It was the young couple who rented the apartment.

3. Both the husband and the wife were bound to find it out.

4. Everyone in the house knows that they have left.

5. Both were afraid to confess their secrets to each other.

6. A pair of his socks was lying on the table.

7. Neither my wife nor her relatives know that my feet stink.

8. The number of married couples in our hotel is growing.

9. Honeymoon Jokes is the most funny section of the book.

7. 1. I've got really smelly feet. They've got too.

2. My socks absolutely stink. Mine also do.

3. I didn't manage to keep it from her. We didn't either.

4. We weren't dating. Neither were they.

5. I've been very lucky to keep it from him. So has she.

6. The husband has finally plucked up his courage. So have I.

7. He hadn't walked into the bedroom. She hadn't either.

8. He won't walk over to the bed. Neither will I.

9. He didn't put his arm around her neck. I didn't either.

10. He moves his face very close to hers. I do too.

11. I've a confession to make. So has she.

8. 1. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub.

2. I've got really smelly feet and my socks absolutely stink.

3. I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating.

4. The wife was sitting in the bed.

5. How do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath?

6. The husband plucks up enough courage.

7. He walks into the bedroom.

8. He puts his arm around her neck.

Section 9:

2. 1. a couple was planning on getting married.

2. They decided to just go back to their new apartment.

3. The groom had three close friends.

4. They were prone to committing practical jokes.

5. They decided to pull a practical joke on their friends.

6. The carpenter decided he would cut the slats.

7. The bed would collapse.

8. Their feet didn't reach the bottom.

3. True: 2, 4. False: 1, 3, 5, 6.

4. 1-Е, 2-h, 3-a, 4-g, 5-b, 6-j, 7-1, 8-d, 9-m, 10-k, 11-c, 12-L, 13-F.

5. 1. A couple was planning on getting married.

2. The groom had three close friends.

3. They were prone to committing practical jokes.

4. The carpenter decided he would cut the slats in the bed.

5. The dentist chuckled and wouldn't tell anyone what he planned to do.

6. I'm gonna kill the bastard!

6. 1. as the young couple didn't have much money to go on a honeymoon, they decided that they would go back to their new apartment after the wedding.

2. The groom's close friends thought that they would act wisely if they committed some practical jokes on their newly married friends.

3. The carpenter decided he would cut the slats.

4. They thought that when the couple climbed into bed, the bed would collapse.

5. The ordinary guy decided to short-sheet the bed, so that their feet would not reach the bottom.

6. The dentist chuckled and wouldn't tell anyone what he planned to do.

7. 1. commit,

2. collapse,

3. married,

4. confession,

5. couple,

6. breath,

7. courage,

8. lucky,

9. realize,

10. load.

Section 10:

2. 1. The hotel was all abuzz about the wedding.

2. The groom looked pretty feeble.

3. The feeling was that the wedding night might kill him.

4. The next morning, the bride came down the main staircase.

5. She finally managed to get to the counter.

6. The clerk looked really concerned.

7. You look like you've been wrestling an alligator.

3. 1-g, 2-d, 3-f, 4-e, 5-b, 6-c, 7-a.

4. 1-c, 2-f, 3-d, 4-h, 5-l, 6-b, 7-j, 8-1, 9-k, 10-a, 11-g, 12-e.

5. 1. The groom looked pretty feeble.

2. The wedding night might kill him.

3. But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride slowly came down the staircase, hanging onto the bannister.

4. The clerk looked really concerned.

5. You look like you've been wrestling an alligator!

6. 1. A small tourist hotel has been waiting for the newly married since early in the morning.

2. They have come to the conclusion about their age only after a long discussion.

3. The bride had been preparing for the wedding night for about two hours, and when she was ready, the groom had already fallen asleep.

4. She has been wrestling with this crocodile since midnight.

5. I've been saving up money in the bank for twenty five years, and I have already saved up about ten bucks.

Section 11:

2. 1. They celebrated their first night together.

2. What do newlyweds do all night long?

3. The groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel there.

4. He asks the bride to please bring a towel.

5. He is exposing his body for the first time.

6. Her eyes went up and down and at about midway they stopped.

7. She asked shyly, «What's THAT?»

3. True: 1, 3, 4. False: 2, 5, 6.

4. 1-Е, 2-h, 3-c, 4-k, 5-f, 6-b, 7-j, 8-g, 9-1, 10-a, 11-d.

5. 1. They were doing that all night long, time and time again.

2. He emerged from the shower but found no towel.

3. She saw all of him well.

4. Her eyes went up and down, and at about midway they stopped.

5. She asked shyly.

6. Is that all we have left?

6. 1. I asked her when she had been married.

2. He said they had celebrated their first night together.

3. He whispered that they were doing what newlyweds always did.

4. The groom said he would go into the bathroom.

5. He asked her to bring a towel from the bedroom.

6. She wanted to know where he was.

7. He wondered why she was staring at him in such a way.

8. He said that was what they had so much fun with the night before.

9. And she asked in despair if that was all they had left.

7. 1. When the young couple were getting married, they decided they would celebrate their first night together.

2. He said that he would go to the bathroom in the morning.

3. Morning came and the groom went into the bathroom but found no towel there.

4. When she got to the bathroom door, he had already opened it from inside.

5. She said that was all that they had left.

Section 12:

2. 1. Two newlyweds went on their honeymoon.

2. His toes were all twisted and discolored.

3. What happened to your feet?

4. I had a childhood disease called tolio.

5. It only affects the toes.

6. He removed his pants and revealed a pair of knees.

3. 1-C, 2-B, 3-D, 4-A, 5-E.

4. 1-f, 2-c, 3-d, 4-h, 5-b, 6-g, 7-Е, 8-А.

5. 1. He took off his shoes and socks.

2. What happened to your toes?

3. I had a childhood disease called measles.

4. He revealed an awful looking pair of knees.

5. It only affects the knees.

6. His wife gasped and said, «Don't tell me, you also had smallpox!»

6. 1. Two newlyweds were invited to their friend's house to spend the honeymoon here last year.

2. Just you wait! The shoes will be taken off in a moment.

3. The socks are being dried at present.

4. My toes are twisted because of the disease I had in childhood.

5. At last the pants have been removed.

6. His knees were definitely affected by polio.

7. 1. His wife wanted to know what had happened to his feet.

2. He told her he had had a childhood disease called tolio.

3. She asked if he meant polio.

4. She wanted to know what had happened to his knees.

5. He said he had also had kneesles.

6. She asked if he was having anything then.

7. He said it only affected the knees.

8. She asked not to tell her that he had also had smallcox.

8. 1. toe,

2. disease,

3. remove,

4. reveal,

5. amazement,

6. healthy,

7. wrestle,

8. groan,

9. bride,

10. awful.

Section 13:

2. 1. A man and his wife are visiting the local zoo.

2. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting dress.

3. They walk through the ape exhibit.

4. The gorilla is obviously excited at seeing the lady.

5. The man suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow.

6. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall.

7. This drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.

3. True: 2, 3. False: 1, 4, 5, 6.

4. 1-D, 2-G, 3-C, 4-1, 5-H, 6-L, 7-A, 8-K, 9-B, 10-E, 11-J, 12-F.

5. 1. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting dress, sleeveless, with straps.

2. The gorilla begins to go ape.

3. The gorilla is obviously excited at seeing the lady in the pink dress.

4. The husband suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow.

5. He is making noises that would wake the dead.

6. The gorilla is just about to tear the bars down.

7. He quickly grabs her and flings into the cage.

6. 1. The man insisted that his wife wear a cute, loose-fitting dress.

2. It is imperative that we walk through the ape exhibit.

3. The husband proposed that his wife tease the poor fellow.

4. Then the husband urged her wife to let one of her straps fall.

5. It is necessary to tear the bars down.

6. It is important that you lift your dress up your thighs.

7. It was a recommendation that you grab your wife and fling her into the cage.