Научный «туризм» - Владимир Михайлович Пушкарев

Instead he brought her 50 ml of mercaptoethanol in the open glass. Recognizing the substance immediately when Sasha was entered Inna Sergeevna asked him to put substance back in the bottle as soon as possible and very carefully. In the hall Sasha met his friend and stopped to talk to him. As you imaging it is not very convenient to talk to somebody holding a glass of mercaptoethanol. So Sasha decided to put it in the corner right behind the door. Naturally in a few minutes the door was opened and substance ended up on the floor. Despite the taken measures one could feet the smell during next 3 month in the whole floor.

Another Sasha’s heroic deed was leaving several corpses of guinea pigs in the lab over a weekend unrefrigirated. The first person that discovered the incident was the head of the lab. His office was near Inna Sergeevna’s lab. This case places Sasha on the hot seat. But the last glory episode ends his career in our Institute. He decided to do some experiments with mercury. For this purpose he founded several broken thermometers and collected mercury from them for unknown reasons. But on certain point dropped everything on the floor. Having no idea of how to neutralize mercury his first and simple decision was to pour hydrochloric acid on the floor. After finding out that the only result of this attempt was a big burned spot on the hardwood floor he decided to read literature. Finding that neutralizing procedure is relatively complicated he simply closed the lab and went home. Next morning Inna Sergeevna founded the book opened on the page describing how to neutralize mercury. She asked Sahsa what he did with the mercury and the next 15 minutes were the last in his scientific career to the great relief of all his fortunate colleagues.

How we are treated by acquaintance

Once some old schoolmates, a surgeon among them, had a good time with a bottle of vodka. In their conversation they touched on the topic of disease and somebody complained that his toe-nail had grown in. It troubled him and he did not know what to do. “Well, it is a trifle”, said a surgeon. “Come over to my clinic tomorrow and all will be done in 5 minutes without any problem”.

The next day our patient came to clinic. The surgeon met him with his colleagues, as usually there appeared a bottle the schoolmate of surgeon took with him. They drank to acquaintance, laughing at the nail trouble. Then another bottle with cognac appeared that had been given to doctor by thankful patients. Then they continued with diluted ethanol (named an awl) which surgeons had in abundance. At last they went over to operation. The client was laid on the operation table and for same reason or other they made him an general anestesia. Perhaps they gave him too much ether or the heart of patient was too weak but soon it start to mulfunction and then stopped at all. Doctors began the massage of the heart at first on closed chest then on opened. Nothing helped. The patient was quickly loaded onto cart and rushed to intensive care department. At the turning the cart was overturn, the patient dropped out and got twisted fracture of his thigh.

In general, next day our patient woke up in hospital room absolutely not understanding what happened to him, with his chest bandaged and with his leg put in a plaster cast and lifted up to the ceiling on which was stuck up a toe with toe-nail grown in it.

Примечания

1

Тезисы эти, как оказалось, написал Парвус – у Ленина мозгов не хватило.

2

Добро пожаловать (казах.).

3

Тетродотоксин – яд Spheroides rubripes (фугу, рыба-собака) – ингибитор Na+ каналов в возбудимых тканях.

4

Диамат – диалектический материализм, истмат – исторический.

5

1 молдаван, местн. – молдаванин, лицо молдавской национальности

6

Избили, как хозяин свинью.

7

Кстати, советую попробовать буковинское рагу – красные перцы, поджаренные с луком и помидорами – чудная вещь!

8

Цит. из:Есенина, … Кнышева

9

или то, что подразумевается сейчас под евреями – мне кажется, что от настоящих иудеев уже давно не осталось и следа

10

кстати, древние евреи вовсе не являются авторами Библии – они ее «содрали» у египтян, а те у шумеров