Tantric Sex for Men - Diana Richardson

fact that you repressed your deeper feelings at that time and did not express them is really the issue in

the present. If feelings had been authentically released at the time, they would not keep bubbling up

inside of you. You would have felt a great deal better for having expressed the feelings, even if a

particular issue remained unresolved between you. Through expression you release emotions you’ve

been dragging around and accumulating year by year. You keep yourself free from the past.

THE ROLE OF EMOTIONS IN SEX

Because of our emotional patterns, as couples we tend to get a bit high on emotions and begin to

believe that this intensity is a part of love, and that a good hurling of china is an expression of our

love. We once heard Barry Long say that all anger is, in reality, the result of sexual frustration. This

certainly gives food for thought, especially in light of all the wars going on around us and how little

satisfying sex is being enjoyed on Earth. Men and women have pressures and frustrations associated

with conventional orgasm, so they are quite likely to have anger about this as well. Many women feel

deep rage toward men for their abusive behavior, a rage that extends beyond the personal to the

collective level.

Discharging Emotions through Sex

Very often men use sex to discharge their emotional tension. Since they generally express their real

feelings much less readily than women, men often have an overload of unexpressed feelings, along

with their accompanying tensions. These cause an “itch” in the system, and a man can start to feel

horny and want quick sex, excitement, and discharge in order to balance the system. This type of sex

has nothing to do with man’s basic sexual system and how he is designed to operate as the male

principle on Earth. Barry Long referred to the hot excitement/ ejaculation style of sex as “emotional

sex,” and a demanding or hungry or aggressive penis as an “emotional penis.”

For man to discover his true male qualities he is advised to refrain from using the sexual channel to

release emotional tensions. Ejaculation is certainly an extremely pleasurable way to release them, but

there are consequences to such discharges. Men need to find alternative ways to release the tensions

they accumulate through life in general, which often involves high levels of stress and anxiety,

including survival anxiety. Men will benefit enormously from using their legs in regular daily

exercise—for example, jogging, gym workouts, ta’i chi, dance, squats, and any kind of stretching—as

well as receiving regular deep-tissue massage in order to relax and free tension in the musculature of

the legs and feet.

Tantric Sex Reduces Emotionality

When love is made consciously and emotional or hot sex is avoided (or reduced), there is soon a

visible shift in the emotional state of woman. She becomes more radiant, open, and content. Nagging

stops, and she begins to flower. Women in our couple’s workshops experience a shift within two or

three days of making love regularly without forcing a peak orgasm. Men also notice a big change in

their own emotional state, as they become calm and centered, grounded in the body, more present and

aware, more relaxed, and more loving. Sounds perfect! Men also notice that anger is not provoked so

easily. Anger and frustration levels reduce dramatically when hot sex and ejaculation are avoided or

reduced.

How we make love profoundly affects who we are and how we conduct ourselves as human

beings. It is of eternal value to explore evolved sexual approaches and observe how these

experiences begin to shape who you are, how you feel on an inner level, and your perception of each

other and the world around you.

EXPRESSING FEELINGS IN THE PRESENT

In addition to keeping the past in the past by recognizing when emotion steps in, and experimenting

with relaxing into sex to avoid adding emotions to those you already have, the art now becomes one

of staying in touch with your feelings so that you can begin to feel what you are feeling. To keep love

fresh and free of emotion it becomes essential to express feelings as they arise. Do not hang on to

your feelings for an instant, unless you are in a hopelessly inappropriate situation. Move with the

rising feeling and don’t let your mind talk you out of it. Allow tears to flow, laughter to erupt, and

roars to unleash. Jump up and down, do something fast, and above all, do not repress feelings and in

so doing form fresh emotions, which happens very quickly. Equally quickly, any sadness, pain, anger,

or frustration, if fully lived as it is happening, will have a life span of about eight intense seconds,

after which it is all over.

When you practice consciously expressing anger there are a few hard-and-fast golden rules that

come with it, and these are not to be broken under any circumstances. If you feel anger, do not direct

it onto your partner, even if your emotions are convincing you that she is at fault. Do not touch her or

do anything to hurt her physically; do not even face her. Turn to face in the opposite direction,

showing her your back; then let a deep roar emerge from your belly.

PERSONAL SHARING

Releasing the Roar

The first time I consciously allowed my anger to flow was unforgettable. In the very instant that I felt the rising anger for

being blamed for something I did not do, I contacted a deep, roaring sound in my belly that was so powerful it shot me up

into the air to virtually touch the ceiling, and this one was higher than most ceilings. By the time gravity pulled me back to

terra firma a second or two later, it was all over. I felt no anger, no emotion, no resentment—nothing. I stepped back into

the moment without hesitation, ready to continue relating, I felt liberated and refreshed.

When anger arises, welcome it, knowing that it is old tension within you that can be transformed.

By expressing it you are released from its restrictive grip. Contacting feelings is a cleansing

experience; energy that was locked up suddenly becomes available. When you express a feeling or

transform an emotion into a feeling you feel lighter, expanded, and fresh; you’re more connected to

your partner, open and soft, clear and radiant, even loving. Emotions bring the experience of quite

opposite qualities: darkness and gloom, despair and collapse. The whole range of positive uplifting

experiences arise when you share your feelings. (Learn more in Nonviolent Communication: A

Language of Life; see Recommended Books and Resources.)

HUMANS NEED LOVEMAKING FOR CONTINUED WELL-BEING

Relaxing into sex brings you into a state of being that is quite apart from the whole range of emotions.

Through relaxation we reach a rare state in which our energy is regenerated, and we become suffused

with peacefulness as opposed to frustration. As life force moves upward through the energy centers

(chakras), it cleanses and purifies them and makes the inner-body experience increasingly dynamic

and alive.

Contemporary women suffer from a mass of issues: extreme menstrual syndromes with hormonal

ups and downs, poor self-esteem, fears of aging, menopausal anxieties, disappointment, and often

disinterest in sex. At a certain point sex is considered by many women to be too much hard work with

very little reward, and for this reason they abandon it.

For men the situation is equally dire. Until given the chance to enjoy the expansion of his sexual

energy through direct experience, man cannot begin to imagine it. And since excitement and

ejaculation are the only experiences he knows, it is not so easy to consider doing something

differently. A man’s inability to channel his real life force can result in frustration, aggression, anger,

restlessness, obsessive fantasizing about sex (both alone and during the act), and all types of sexual

perversions.

When the life force circulates freely through man he finally feels himself as more of a man. At the

end of a recent workshop a man said, “This is the first time in my life of fifty-four years that I have

been given any insight or guidance on what it means to be a man.” And that was not the first time

we’ve heard this. When a man knows how to use his sexual energy correctly, allowing it to expand

throughout his body, the sense of self changes. Sex becomes less to do with the other or with getting

something, and becomes more a way of valuing and loving oneself, of being with oneself. And in this

frame woman is likely to be more interested in making love. With insight into our body mechanisms

we are able to direct the sexual energy and be more in command of love and life. Man will be in

wonder, even a bit awestruck to learn how the same elements—the penis and the vagina—can

produce two such vastly different experiences.

MALE AUTHORITY THROUGH TAKING RESPONSIBLE ACTION

Many a man is interested in producing a peak orgasm for a woman because he believes it validates

him as a lover, but this attitude has grave consequences for both men and women. Until a man can

manage to fully satisfy one woman, he will never feel himself to be a true man, in spite of any other

achievements and successes. The need for man to feel himself as masculine, for woman to feel herself

as feminine, and for both to have orgasmic experiences through each other is a burning need for

humanity today. Without the generative, spiritual, sexual expression, the human race will slowly die

from love starvation.

Eliminating or reducing the usual orgasm-driven sex may sound like a loss, but this is truly

responsible action on the part of a man. With responsibility you gain freedom, higher sexual

experiences, and greater sexual fulfillment, and you transform from an emotional human into a loving

human. You lift yourself out of the cycles of unconsciousness that have been going on between people

for generations. Life changes its whole quality when the genitals are reserved to serve love, which is

their higher purpose. Reproduction is the lower purpose of the sexual interaction. Through

understanding the genitals anew and using them according to the inherent polarities embodied in male

and female, it is possible to create love in the here and now, with the person you are with today. You

learn to contain the energy, embrace it, expand with it, and melt into it.

When physical love reaches a refined level of exchange through polarity, love is generated as a

tangible reality between a man and a woman. In being profoundly touched, woman connects with the

source of her own love and showers man with her love, thereby completing the circuit of love and

joy. Remember again and again: any level of awareness brought into sex will begin to create love; it

is the awareness itself that transforms sex into love. Once again, it is not what we do but how we do

it. Woman is love, this is the quintessence of her very soul; thus, love to her is as essential as food.

She requires the opportunity to relax into her feminine nature and receive the contentment and

regeneration of ecstatic experiences to sustain her life. The sincerity and willingness of both parties

is clearly a contributing factor, but the responsibility also lies in the individual’s hands. Through

cooperation in sex we can regain power and balance as male and female forces.

Tantric Inspiration

There is certainly something very similar in very different emotions: the overwhelmingness. It may be love, it may be

hate, it may be anger—it can be anything. If it is too much then it gives you a sense of being overwhelmed by

something. Even pain and suffering can create the same experience, but overwhelmingness has no value in itself. It

simply shows you are an emotional being. This is typically the indication of an emotional personality. When it is

anger, it is all anger. And when it is love, it is all love. It almost becomes drunk with the emotion, blind. And

whatever action comes out of it is wrong. Even if it is overwhelming love, the action that will come out of it is not

going to be right.

Reduced to its base, whenever you are overwhelmed by any emotion you lose all reason, you lose all sensitivity,

you lose your heart in it. It becomes almost like a dark cloud in which you are lost. Then whatever you do is going to

be wrong. Love is not to be a part of your emotions. Ordinarily that’s what people think and experience, but anything

overwhelming is very unstable. It comes like a wind and passes by, leaving you behind, empty, shattered, in sadness

and in sorrow.

According to those who know man’s whole being—his mind, his heart, and his being—love has to be an

expression of your being, not an emotion. Emotion is very fragile, very changing. One moment it seems that is all.

Another moment, you are simply empty. So the first thing to do is take love out of this crowd of overwhelming

emotions.

Love is not overwhelming. On the contrary, love is a tremendous insight, clarity, sensitivity, awareness. But that

kind of love rarely exists, because very few people ever reach to their being.

OSHO, TRANSCRIBED TEACHINGS,

OM SHANTIH SHANTIH SHANTIH

PERSONAL SHARING

Tantric Sex Completely Changed My Life

It is unbelievable how much has changed in the past months since the “Making Love” retreat. When I think about what

has happened to me, tears start running and I am infinitely grateful for these experiences and for this gift in my life.

Again and again, I am confused and I keep thinking: “This can’t be true. I am for sure on some sort of trip.” But the trip

does not seem to end. For the very first time in my life, I realize that I have treated my body badly and that I can stop this