The Testing of a Wizard - Viktor Gitin

– That’s very good! That’s wonderful! My life is very hard. Just imagine sometimes there is nobody on the road for a whole week. One could die from starvation. And if there is someone by chance, once they learn who I am they try to escape. Nobody understands me! You won’t run away, will you?

GELO – No I won’t.

CANNIBAL – But why?

GELO – What for?

CANNIBAL – (Joyfully) That’s good! Wonderful! Why?! (Vigilant) Maybe you’re ill? Maybe you’re poisonous?

GELO – No I’m absolutely healthy. But surely, you’re not going to eat me?

CANNIBAL – (Elusive) How should I put it… You see I haven’t eaten anybody for a few days now… You have to understand me! I don’t mean you any malice. Moreover, I sympathize with you. But my life is so miserable. And anyway, it’s not my fault. I was spoiled rotten when I was young. I was allowed to do everything. That’s why I can’t resist anything. Like right now (walks around Gelo) I like you so much. You’re so tempting.

GELO – Listen to me; if you want to eat me, then I’m against it!

CANNIBAL – (Upset) Here we go again! You all think about yourselves, egoists.

GELO – No. I’m actually thinking about people. My teacher, Fadrius the Wizard sent me to get the MIRACLE, to make all people happy, including you. I want to be honest, just, and righteous towards everyone…

CANNIBAL – (Interested and amazed) You’re very strange. You’re young but yet you want to live your life righteously and sinless. Usually, these sorts of ideals come to people when they are either poor or getting old. Don’t you have good health or any wealth to live a normal life?

GELO – What’s money have to do with anything, especially health? In my opinion a normal life consists of helping people out. I will be a Wizard. And my main aim is to make all people happy. But just yet I don’t know how to do this, but I will definitely find out.

CANNIBAL – It is easy to make someone else happy, but it is difficult to remain happy yourself.

GELO – How come?

CANNIBAL – That’s just human nature… And anyway, if you want to be happy you have to have a full belly, and to get this you need to be cunning, clever … and have lots of food!

GELO – It’s hard to talk with you. Look at yourself; you have destroyed everything human in yourself and the dense forest around you. What do you look like?

CANNIBAL – Of course I’m not good-looking; I would like to improve my appearance. But I don’t know how to do this. You said you are a Wizard, maybe you could help me?

GELO – No. I don’t do dismembering.

CANNIBAL – It’s easy to criticize, everybody can do it. But when trying to find some help – there is no one. There are plenty of people, but where are the good ones?

GELO – What do you mean?

CANNIBAL – It’s simple. People are like mushrooms. There are plenty of mushrooms in a forest, and you have to be careful which one to pick. Some people are like poisonous mushrooms, and you can only eat them once.

GELO – And then what?

CANNIBAL – And then you won’t be able to eat anything! You’ll get poisoned and die, very poisonous. I don’t like this sort.

GELO – (Laughing) So you’re telling me all the people around here are poisonous?

CANNIBAL – Not everyone but a lot of them. The world is changing, and not in a positive way. People have become angry, hateful, and greedy among other bad things. And all of this is poison of the soul, and eventually it fills up to the brim. Sometimes one person has so much; you’re scared to touch him, because it could burst and spill all over you, so bad that you can’t wash it away. And you could even get infected.

GELO – But why should you be scared of this?

CANNIBAL – Because I’m very sensitive, easily get hurt and upset. Sometimes you just want to hide your head in the sand from all the troubles in the world…

GELO – And what is stopping you?

CANNIBAL – Uh-huh! Then my backside will be vulnerable. And that’s even more dangerous. That’s why I’m suffering. Of course, if I was rich my life would be easy.

GELO – So who’s standing in your way? Work harder and you’ll get rich.

CANNIBAL – Are you kidding me?! People work hard so that they can have enough to eat, but if you want to get rich you need to do something else.

GELO – Like what?

CANNIBAL – Well, for example the skill to steal. From time to time, I go to the highway with my axe, where merchants travel with goods and sometimes you can get very lucky. But it’s never enough.

GELO – So you’re also a thief! You rob people on the highway at nighttime?!

CANNIBAL – What? do you expect me to do it in broad daylight at a market?!

GELO – Any stealing is bad!

CANNIBAL – If I don’t steal, someone else will. Why should I give up my right to get rich? And anyway, I don’t steal; it’s just compensation for what life has thrown at me.

GELO - All your thoughts are so one dimensional.

CANNIBAL – That’s good. There’s no space in my head for anything else.

GELO – Well, well!

CANNIBAL – Well, you’re judging me of robbing people at the highway; of course, it would be easier to steal from the treasury, less trouble, but a much greater profit. I too would like to become a civil servant or minister.

GELO – Have you gone mad?

CANNIBAL – Is it possible to be a minister, without being mad?

GELO – Listen, I want to share some advice with you.