The Plague Court Murders - John Carr

"I read a story once," volunteered H.M., like an urchin from the back of a classroom. "It was funnier than watchin' somebody sit on a silk hat. Feller committed a murder in a house with six inches of unmarked snow all around. How'd he get in and out? It appears he walked to and from the place on stilts. The police thought they was rabbit-tracks. Ha ha ha. Burn me, Masters, wouldn't it have given you a turn if you'd seen somebody staggerin' out of that place on stilts? Reasonable. Bah.

"Y'see, fatheads, the fundamental trouble with the locked-room situation is that it generally ain't reasonable. I don't mean that it can't be worked, any more than you'd deny one of Houdini's escapes; oh, far from it. I mean that, under ordinary circumstances, no real murderer would think of indulging in all the elaborate hocus-pocus we're required to believe at the end of the story.... Unfortunately, this case is different. We're up against Darworth: a man whose whole mind was devoted to hocus-pocus, and who was admittedly staging an unreasonable show for a very reasonable purpose. It becomes logical - devilish - logical, Masters. He didn't intend to be murdered; the murderer simply took advantage of a plan all worked out for him ... but, burn me, how?"

"That's what I was trying to say," retorted Masters. "If we could explain no footprints, we might explain the bolted and barred door."

H.M. looked at him.

"Don't gibber, Masters," he said austerely. "I detest gibbering. That's like saying that, after all, if you can only hang the roof of a house in the air first, there won't be any difficulty about putting up the walls. But go on. I want to see the fountains play and the star-shine of your brow... How do you explain it?"

The Inspector remained stolid. But he said: “It only occurred to me, sir - sittin' and thinkin' - that, after the murderer had gone, Darworth himself might have bolted and barred the door after him. That might have been their scheme, when Darworth only expected to be wounded. He mightn't have realized that he was really dying, and wanted the plan to go through as arranged."

"Man," H.M. replied, putting his head in his hands again, "I'll say nothin' of the fact he couldn't have moved three steps after the murderer stabbed him in earnest; that all he could do was grope for the bell-wire and then tumble down and smash the glasses in his eyes. I'll say nothin' of the fact that there was no blood-trail or marks from him to the door-as there must have been. We won't argue whether a man stabbed through the heart could have lifted a heavy iron bar and shot a bolt that it takes a strong man to move in the first place. All I'll say is, we've got to look for another explanation....”

"Facts! I want more facts, Masters. Now, about what you've been doing today, and about young Latimer. Let's have it all. Talk!"

"Yes, sir. I'll get it in order. Order's what we want. And it's getting late After I'd talked to Stiller, the solicitor, we both went round to have a look at Darworth's house. It's funny how houses have a habit of drawing people back. We'd no sooner got inside, than we met - "

Again sharply, almost in H.M.'s ear as he bent forward with a curious expression on his face, the telephone rang.

XV

A SHRINE OF GHOSTS

WITH the receiver at his ear, H.M. glared.

"No!" he said quickly "No! Wrong number! ... How do I know what number you want? My good man,. I don't give a gore-stained farthing of immoral habits what number you want.... No, this is not Whitehall 0007! This is Museum 7000. The Russell Square Zoo, you fathead.... Certainly there's a zoo in Russell Square. Look here... ." (A girl's voice, from the switchboard downstairs, cut in audibly). -"Hang it, Lollypop," said H.M. to the new voice, "why can't you shut off these blighters and not put 'em through to me...?" His voice became freezingly austere. "No, my good man, I did not call you 'Lollypop'.”

"I expect it's for me, sir," said Masters, rising hurriedly. "Excuse me. I left orders for calls for me to be transferred here. I hope you didn't -"

H.M. left off glaring at the telephone to look at him. The telephone tinkled, "Ha ha." It was still making derisive remarks when Masters dexterously got it out of H.M.'s hands.

"That was not," Masters said to it, 'a secretary being funny. That was Sir Henry Merrivale." The voice died in a gurgle. "I can't help what you thought. Get on with it, Banks! What do you want? ... Oh! ... When? ... In a cab, eh? Did you see who the other person was? ... Get the number of the cab?. Well, for reference. No, it probably isn't important. Nothing suspicious? ... No; I should just keep a sharp eye out. Get into the grounds, if it won't hurt your conscience.... Right...."

He seemed uncertain and rather disturbed as he rang off, and his hand almost went back to it. But he was distracted by all the other matters weighing on him; and H.M. was in a mood to lecture.

"There now!" said H.M., in a tone of gloomy satisfaction. He pointed at Masters. "There's a first-class example of the intolerable outrages that are perpetrated on me. And they call me `eccentric'! Imagine it! People simply. walk into my room when they like, or ring me up, and they call me eccentric! ... Pour me out another drink, Ken. I've tried every way of keepin' people out. I tried puttin' the most complicated Yale lock on my door. And the only person I ever locked out was myself, and Carstairs had to break down the door, and I still got a dark suspicion that somebody deliberately pinched that key out of my pocket. Bah.' And even my secretary, even little Lollypop, mind you; as nice a girl as ever mussed up my desk; she betrays me. I ask you, what's a man goin' to do?"

Masters, who had his hands crooked as though on the steering-wheel of a wildly skidding car, was trying to divert him. There was one way of doing it, not strictly fair. Thinking of Lollypop, I began to reminisce as though sentimental about old times. I began telling him of the day when Bunky Knapp and I had walked up unannounced, when Lollypop was with him and he was supposed to be dictating letters to her.... It was effective. He turned on Masters.

"If I'm not goin' to get any help from you, man, we might as well call this thing off. Go on! You were telling me about visiting Darworth's house. Get on with it."

He paused, peering up. Major Featherton had risen. The major had put on his top-hat with a sort of angry precision. I could only faintly see his face in the gloom round the desk-lamp; but apparently the major had groped his way through all the intricacies of which we had been talking, and he had now adjusted his thoughts to voice a coldly furious conclusion.

"Merrivale!" he said.

"Eh? Oh! Sit down, my boy, sit down.... What's the matter?"

"I came to you, Merrivale," boomed the major, with precise enunciation, "for help. By Gad, I did! And I thought you'd help us. And did you? You did not. You persist in this insufferable tommyrot about one of as - ?'

"I say, my boy," interposed H.M., wrinkling his brow, "how long have you had that cough?"

"Cough?"

"Cough. You know: whoosh! Huh-huh-huh! Cough. You've been blastin' up the dust all afternoon. Did you have it last night, for instance?"

Featherton stared. "Certainly I did," he replied, with such dignity that it sounded like pride in the achievement. "But, dammit, I don't see that this, is the time for discussing coughs! I don't like to admit it, Henry, but you've betrayed us. I don't think I care to hear much more. Gad! Confound it! I'm due at the Berkeley for a cocktail; past due. And I'll wish you all good afternoon."

"Sure you don't have a drink?" asked H.M. vaguely. "No? Sorry. Well-er-goo'by."

The door slammed, and H.M. winced. He blinked owlishly in that direction. Then he shook his head, curiously as though there were some puzzling thought which he tried to roll into place.

H.M. repeated suddenly:

“You are old, said the youth, as I mentioned before,

And have grown most uncommonly fat;

Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door –

Pray, what is the reason o f that?'

"What?" said Masters.

"Oh, I was just thinkin' . never mind. Let's see, I was born in '71. Yes, that would make Bill Featherton born in '64 or '65. There's energy for you, hey? He'll be dancin' at a supper-club tonight. `Si la jeunesse savant, et si-' Bah. Go on, Masters. You went to Darworth's house with the solicitor. Tell me about it."

Masters spoke hurriedly.

"Number 25 Charles Street. Stiller and McDonnell and I went there. Very quiet, dignified place, mostly shuttered. He's had it about four years. Only person there was a kind of butler-manservant; Darworth lived out, I gathered. He used to keep a chauffeur, but for the last few years he's driven his car himself."

"This butler, now-?" suggested H.M.

"N-no. Straight, I should say, sir. Excellent references.

In fact, he named somebody he used to work for, also in Mayfair, who'd called him up as soon as Darworth's death was in the papers, and asked him if he wanted his old place back. We verified it. It's true."

"Uh-huh. Sounds like my wife. Watch out for gossip, Masters. Well?"

"I gathered he'd only taken the place because there was so much time off. Get that, sir? I asked him about the visitors and the seances. He said he knew Darworth was interested in the occult. But, whenever there was to be a seance, he was always given the evening off.

"The house is dismal inside; like a museum. No fires, few rooms lived in, full of all those rummy pictures and statuary. We went upstairs to Darworth's bed-and-dressing room, and Stiller opened a wall safe in the dressing-room. There wasn't much that was revealing; Darworth had been very careful about his papers, or else he's got 'em somewhere else.

"Then we went to the seance-room." Masters looked amused and contemptuous. "It was a big room up under the roof. It had a black carpet as soft as feathers, and a curtained alcove for the medium to sit in. Ah, ah! And then, sir-well, I'll admit we had a bit of a shock. Coming on her suddenly like that, sitting in the chair with her neck twisted over the back and moving round like it hurt her, with just that dullish light through the windows - I tell you, I don't mind admitting . . ."

"Coming on who?" demanded H.M., and opened his eyes.

"That's what I was going to tell you, sir, when the phone rang. On Lady Benning. And she was moaning."

"Oh, yes. Yes. What was Lady Benning doing there?"

"I don't know, sir. She gabbled some nonsense about this being James's room, and for us to get out. Porter - that's this butler chap - swore he hadn't let her into the house. Then she started to curse us. Lummy, it was awful, sir! That is, her being a lady, and refined and all that - you know you feel embarrassed - and an old lady, too. That seemed to make it worse. Then I felt a bit sorry for her, because she got up, and was very lame. But she wouldn't let anybody help her, and sat down again.... Well, we hadn't time to waste, so we had to go to work on the room.... '

"Go to work on the room? How?"

Again the easy, tolerant, contemptuous smile. "I tell you, sir, of all the clumsy stuff I ever saw, this was the worst! How Darworth got away with it I don't know, unless it was his personality that carried him. Lord, he'd never court investigation.... The whole room was wired. Electric coils and magnet in the table for spirit-raps. Dictograph attachment in the chandelier, so every word spoken could be heard in another room - we found the little place, a sort of trunk-room, on the same floor, where Darworth could sit and control the whole seance. One of those home wireless-sets hidden in a panel behind the medium's alcove: microphone arranged, so Darworth could be all the voices. Gauze ectoplasm in those folding packets; a gauze panel on a sort of magic-lantern projection outfit for floating-faces; tambourines on wires; a rubber glove stuffed with wet tissue paper---“

"Never mind the inventory," H.M. interrupted irritably. "Well, sir, Bert and I went to work and ripped that room to pieces. And Lady Benning - it's funny how noise must affect some people. She watched us. Every time we'd tear out a wire or something, she'd stiffen up and shut her eyes. When I was pulling that dummy wireless-attachment out from behind the medium's alcove, I carried it over to the table. I saw the tears were running out of her eyes. ... Not crying like you think of people crying, just those tears and no blinking or anything. Then she got up and started to go out again; and I'll admit I was nervous. I ran after her (she let me take her arm then), and I said I'd take her down and put her in a cab."

The recollection disturbed Masters. He stroked his solid jaw, and he seemed annoyed with himself for giving what he would have called "impressions" instead of facts; for he pulled himself up and abruptly recited in a strange police-court fashion:

"I took the witness downstairs. Er - the witness looked up at me and said, 'Would you like to take the clothes off me, too?' She emphasized the word `clothes', so I - er -I didn't know what in lum's name she – er - what the witness was getting at, sir. She was wearing something fancy, not like an old lady at all, and had a lot of paint on

At H.M.'s gesture, I had already gone over to pour out our drinks; and both H.M. and I looked at the Inspector. The hiss of the soda-siphon seemed to affect him as a slur on his powers of understanding.

"Just so, sir. I got a cab and put the witness into it. She leaned out of the window and said.. " He picked up his notebook. "The exact words were, `I talked to my dear, dear nephew's fiancee this morning, Sergeant. I think you, ought to take a little interest in those people, you know. Especially since dear Theodore has seen fit to go away so suddenly."'

H.M. nodded. He did not seem much interested. I said:

"Hullo! Featherton spoke to Lady Benning on the telephone this morning, but she didn't mention to him-"

"Naturally that wasn't pleasant news, sir," Masters continued. "I hurried inside and phoned the Latimers. Miss Latimer answered, very upset. I was pretty sharp with her, but she couldn't tell much. She hadn't got back home (they live in Hyde Park Gardens) until past six this morning. He had got home before her, for she saw his hat and coat in the hall; but she didn't disturb him, and went to bed.

"When she woke up this morning, her maid gave her a note from her brother. All it said was, 'Investigating. Don't worry.' The maid said he had left the house with a traveling-bag at about ten o'clock. It was eleven when she got the note. I asked her why she hadn't let us know immediately, and she admitted she'd been afraid. She begged me not to take any notice of it; said it was another of his vagaries; and that he'd probably be back by evening. First she thought he might have gone to Lady Benning's, but she phoned the old Lady and he wasn't there. Since then she'd been calling everybody he knew, without result.

"It was close on time for my appointment with you here, sir. So I sent Bert round there to make inquiries. But I warned her that I would issue a writ compelling his presence at the inquest; that's the legally safe way of arresting somebody if he tries to bolt; that his description would go out through the usual police channels as 'wanted,' and over the wireless, and so on." Masters shut up his notebook. He absently took the stiff drink I offered him, put it down on the table, and added savagely: "Personally, sir, I think that kid is either guilty or stark mad. Bolting like that-! Mad, or guilty; maybe both. If I had a scrap of evidence, beyond his having that key to the padlock, I'd hold him for murder. But if I make just one more mistake. . .